The Last Prom.

From the column ‘This Editor Envisages’ in the July 24th edition of Australian Occult Monthly.

The exact nature of the coming apocalypse has been debated heavily over the past few years, and with each passing day in 2012 the desire to uncover the exact nature of the end of days increases. It seems everyone wants to be the guy who guesses the twist before the end of the movie. ‘Startling new discoveries’ and ‘important retranslations’ are being submitted to this magazine in record numbers and I admit that even our enthusiastic and hard working letters department are unable to get through all of them. We’ve started to pick letters to read at random and are stockpiling all those  those which we are unable to get to.

How fortunate then (or perhaps it was more than fortune) that one of our staff drew from the letters pile this letter from regular contributor Dr Edwin Woodcock. Regular readers will remember Dr Woodcocks name from his numerous contributions to our magazine over the years, and old school theorists will of course remember the good Doctor’s father, Professor James Woodcock, as one of the leading experts on the occult. In fact Dr Woodcock’s letter actually concerns his late father.  What follows is Dr Woodcock’s letter in its entirety.

Dear AOM,

I have little time for pleasantries; I have many papers to mark. It may seem inconsequential in the face of the coming apocalypse but I personally believe it is the responsibility of us in the know to maintain the masquerade of normality. We must allow those whom are blind and fortunate enough to be ignorant of the coming storm the chance to live out the small remainder of their small lives in relative peace.

After many years of unsuccessful attempts to break through the veil in order to learn more from my late famous Father I have finally succeeded. Sadly I cannot claim credit for this amazing feat, while I have dug deeper into these ancient and forbidden arts than most and can without embarrassment or a loss of modesty claim to be the worlds leading expert on such matters, I believe the meeting between my Father and myself at midnight last night owes more to his will extending beyond the grave and the huge swirling maelstrom of occult energies enveloping our world then to my talents.

Still I did speak with my Father last night. He spoke in tongues, in a mixture of long dead and even longer forbidden languages born from the darkest parts of man’s history. I admit my skills as a translator had difficulty keeping up, and as such the following revelations may not be word perfect. Nonetheless, it appears that whatever remains of my Father bore witness to a rather significant event and wished to share that information with me.

Here is what he told me:

1. THEN I saw when the lamb broke one of the seven seals and I heard one of the mouths of the night sky whisper COME and I saw stand a white horse and a pale rider before me.

2. THEN He broke the second seal with a wink of his EYE but not his EYE as a man or woman may have and call EYE but a third EYE called MILITARY MOON LANDING.

3. THEN a red horse and a woman carrying a great SWORD appeared and her TERRIBLE beauty screamed for blood.

4. THEN I turned and killed my brother for looking upon her and the third seal broke.

5. THEN from the ribs of the lamb BIRTHED a green horse and a man carrying a set of brass scales.

6. THEN he weighed my soul and the forth seal broke and a black horse carried in a RIDER of plague and tears and cold skin.

7. THEN In his wake the fifth seal crumbled and an ASHEN horse carried in a body who SPOKE lipless COME and I beheld DEATH and HADES followed in her wake.

8. THEN from the dead rider came the AUTHORITY over a quarter of the earth each for their chaos and GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACIES to rule.

9. THEN the pale rider spoke with all the mouths of man and sky and sang NO and he drew forth from the earth and sea and wind and fire FOUR instruments and gave them unto the riders.

10. THEN the pale rider insisted BAND MEETING.

This fits with my previously published works that put forward that it would indeed be a form of pop music that ends the world. Many of my detractors have claimed my ideas owe more to my career as a high school teacher than to any research or brilliance on my behalf. Surely they will claim what I have written here is a lie. 

To that end I am releasing a digital recording of myself talking to my Father’s apparition, as well as the usual infrared, and spectral scanned images taken by my home security network. These will be available online in all the usual hidden places. Draw your own conclusions.

Yours in friendship,

Dr Edwin Woodcock

Dr Woodcock included his recordings in the letter and I have viewed them. My keenly trained investigative eye could detect no fault or trickery in the material, although I admit to being only an amateur at such practices when compared to many of you. So dig in readers. Is Dr Woodcock on the up and up?

Also of interest this letter arrived on the same day that pop-rock group ‘The Last Prom’ issued a press release stating that they planned to end the world on the 10th of November at a school prom. Now chances are The Last Prom is simply a group looking to cash in on the ‘end of the world’ hysteria, but you know how much this editor hates chalking things up to coincidence. So, as always I leave the answers up to you readers, enjoy this issue and keep believing!

Editor in Chief,
Herrick Dorssin

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